Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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