sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize