Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
