Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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