Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
