I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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