I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
