We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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