Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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