I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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