; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
