I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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