dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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