he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
