I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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