just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
