its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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