I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
