i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
