I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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