I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
