He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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