Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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