Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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