I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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