Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
