Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
