4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
