Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
