There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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