I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize