i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
