My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
