Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
