yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
