I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
