drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
