i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
