also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
