She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
