Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
