That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
