Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
