you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
