maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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