So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
