so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dear god my vagina.
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