If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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