It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
