Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
