Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
