Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
