I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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