I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
