brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
