Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
