all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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