I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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