Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
