She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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