Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
