Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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