he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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