Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
