I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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