Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize
