Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
