Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
