This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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