Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
