I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
