I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
