I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
