we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
