i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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