She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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