I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize