____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
