Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
