Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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