Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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