i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its about making memories worth repressing
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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