I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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