Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
