the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
